Game of Thrones Winner: “Cripples, Bastards And Broken Things”

So many things happen in this episode. Things that are important, to the story, and the history and mythology of Westeros, and also, Hodor!

But seriously folks, this is a talky, talky episode, one of the earliest instances of sexposition (I don’t think we saw it the other times.) But there are some serious serious things that really affect things as we move forward. But let’s talk about who won this week.

Bran Stark!


Why Bran? Well, Bran had his first Greenseer dream, even though we don’t know that that’s what’s going on here and it’s still pretty boring in a lot of ways, but the fact that the Three Eyed Raven is trying to lead him down into the crypt of Winterfell means a whole lot, and now that I know how it ends up, I am slightly less bored by Bran, and he’s also still pretty cute at this point.

Additionally, he gets the schematics for his new saddle from Tyrion, who assures him that he can still have a life even after losing the use of his legs. Oh, he also gets Hodor! Isn’t that exciting?

Runner up is Danerys, who realizes that her brother is completely useless, stands up to him, reminding him that she’s the Khaleesi, and he’s well, nothing, when it comes down to it.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Hey, we’re talking about Doreah again! Because she is, as we’ve established, the proto MIssandei. This week, Doreah get s a dragon lesson from Viserys, and his penis. They have sex, while he talks about dragons. It’s super weird, and very lame, and I can’t wait until we get away from her and to Missandei.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Sansa is mean to her Septa today, but she also admits that she’s afraid of losing the little bit of agency she has left. When she’s queen, (it’s a “when” at this point), she’ll be celebrated if she has sons and beloved by the realm. But if she only has girls, she’ll lose that. It’s a terrifying thought, to lose the tiny bit of life that she has control of.

And speaking of people who want to take away Sansa’s control of her life, she gets creeped on by Little Finger for the first time this week. Ugh.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Arya explained her lessons with Syrio to Ned, and she also told him that she doesn’t want to be a fine lady in a castle. Personally, I think it’s a real bummer that Arya didn’t meet Brienne at this point in her life. Think what a team they could of been today!

Who Was Jaime a dick to?

This week, Jaime was a dick to Jory! Remember Jory? He’s Ned’s bodyguard, or whatever? Anyway, he wants to give a message from Ned to Robert, and tries to give it to him through Jaime, who says, “I don’t work for Ned Stark.” Which, I mean, dude, a second before that you were reminiscing about killing the Greyjoys with him. Don’t be such a dick! And go kill some more Greyjoys. Fewer Greyjoys is a good thing, I think.