Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Iron Throne”

And now our watch is ended. Winter has come and gone, and we have some winners. Well, today, we’ll talk about the winner of the final episode. Tomorrow we’ll get into what this all means in the grand scheme of a decade, a show, a lot of nerding out and well, it’s time to go home now.

So, who’s our last winner:

I think we have to give it to the one, the only, the fabulous:

Queen In The North Herself, Sansa Stark, long may she reign.

The Queen In The North

Sansa kept her people safe and free, and was crowned. She got to nope out of King’s Landing and do her thing.

I love Sansa. (I don’t know if y’all have been paying attention.) I’m very glad she got her happy Elsa ending and her cool crown and her badass wolf throne.

Runner up is Ghost, who is the goodest boy and deserves all of the snuggles and treats he wants. WHO’S A GOOD BOY?

Drogon is also a good boy. We’ll get to it.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

She’s the Queen In The North BITCHES. She should be Queen of Westeros but ya know…stories? I guess?

Arya Badass Watch

Arya is off to discover America. I bet in this world, America-equivalent has like Gryphons or something.

YOU SUNK ALL MY SHIPS

I wanted the tragic lovers ending for Dany and Jon. And Jaime and Missandei were already dead, so I appreciated that Brienne and Grey Worm ended their stories honoring their fallen lovers. But like, they all died. All of ’em.

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

King Bran The Broken. (Terrible name Tyrion, I mean really.) I understand the trajectory and hey! Tyrion and Samm invented democracy, (of the Greek variety, where the oligarchy pick the leaders, but it’s better than hereditary monarchy.) And to quote Mary, “well, they picked a white guy but at least he’s disabled.”

#NotAStark #NotABastard

Whatever, man. Jon’s back at the wall, and he pet Ghost who is a good boy. A very good boy.

Who’s a good boy?

Good Boy

The Dragon Has Three Heads

There’s a whole lotta nothing going on there. But I might come back around to something about the three remaining Starks being the heads of the dragon, but I think it’s more that Benioff and Weiss aren’t particularly interested in the prophecies, so that’s why we also never really followed up on Jon being The Prince That Was Promised. (It’s definitely Jon though.)

We did get Dany’s ending though, and tragic, as she died in Jon’s arms. (CALLED IT!) And then Drogon. Drogon melting the Iron Throne was a good piece of spectacle. But I found the most stirring part of the whole situation (for me) was Drogon nudging Dany’s body was lovely.

You guys, thanks for going on this journey with me. This started as a goof and became something that I really looked forward to each year as the show came back. I’m not going to make promises about the spin offs…if they ever happen.

So what now? I mean, immediately? I’m rewatching Star Wars. All of it. All 10 movies, all 3 cartoon shows. So that’s what Monday will be until December. So just wait until next week…when I’ll talk about The Phantom Menace. Am I super psyched to watch The Phantom Menace again? I am not. But I will do it for you, dear readers, and also for my own brain weirdness.

Game Of Thrones Winner: “A Knight Of The Seven Kingdoms”

Did, did I win this episode, you guys? Because it was pretty much everything I wanted it to be.

But, no, I didn’t win. There’s a clear winner here, y’all.

Rise, Ser Brienne of Tarth, Knight of The Seven Kingdoms.

JAIME KNIGHTED BRIENNE. And he did it after a knight of drinking and storytelling with Tyrion, Davos, Tormund and Podrick.

It was fucking beautiful and I was crying my eyes out. Also on the Brienne and Jaime front, he was only not executed by Dany and Sansa because Brienne spoke up for him, and Jaime noted that he had every intention of following her into death.

Yeah. You guys. That’s how you do it.

Sansa gets runner up, for reasons I will further outline below, but seriously, I also love her.

Arya And Gendry Watch

Welp, it happened. Arya Stark marched her cute little butt into that smithy, and told that hotty royal bastard boy she’d always had a crush on that she wanted to lose her virginity before being killed by ice zombies and sex was had, sass was shared and true love won! (In notes on this previous feature, Grey Worm and Missandei made plans to return to the summer isles after the war is won, because Westeros is hella racist.) (They’re going to die, and I’m not going to be able to handle it, especially since this weekend Captain America is also probably going to die, and you know what, we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.)

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Quick reminder that the only reason anyone is still alive is because the northerners really really like Sansa. Theon came back to pledge for her, and Dany and she made peace (though we’ll get back to that whole mess in a hot sec) and she forgave Jaime because Brienne is a good judge of character, and everyone just went along with it.

Sansa rules.

Arya Badass Watch

I love her. I love her so much. I love her shooting arrows and straight up telling Gendry she wants to have sex. I love her demanding he build her weapon before anyone else’s, and that he tell her about the Night King and the White Walkers. She’s great.

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

Kiss today goodbye
And point me toward tomorrow
We did what we had to do
Won’t forget, Can’t regret what I did for love…

(Bran’s entire storyline would be more compelling if he were singing showtunes the whole time.) (Also, he forgives Jaime, I guess, or whatever. And he realizes that he’s who the Night King is after.) (Whatever.)

#NotAStark #NotABastard

Dany was having come to Jesus moments with the Winterfell kids all over the place. Jon’s being very awkward, now that he knows she’s his aunt and also that his claim to the throne is better than hers, and he tells her. While standing in front of Lyanna’s tomb, right before the horns blow and the dead descend on Winterfell.

It’s a really good ending.

Sam Is A Ravenclaw

In the most Ravenclaw move ever, Sam hands Heartsbane over to Jorah, a Gryffindor if ever there was one on this show, (Besides Jon and Robb.) and brags about his book stealing.

In Westeros, We Don’t Shake Hands, In Westeros We Hug

So, it appears this season is going to be largely about heartwarming reuinions and hugs. This week, Jon and Sam hugged Edd, and Tormund. Sansa hugged Theon and Dany, I think. Brienne was definitely mentally hugging Jaime, and probably other things.

On A Scale Of Aragorn’s Speech Before The Gates Of Mordor To Sansa Being Raped While Theon Watches How LOTR Was This Episode?

It was somewhere in between the scene in the extended edition where Faramir sees Eowyn for the first time and Jon drawing his sword as the Bolton army charges at him.

Next week, well, it’s what it is right? It’s the battle. Things are about to turn. But it shouldn’t be lost on anyone that the seventh book that we’re likely never going to get to read, is entitled, “A Dream Of Spring.” Maybe it’s just the Easter feels, but I think even if “The Battle Of Winterfell,” is a loss, Westeros and mankind will make it to the Dawn and Thaw.

Game Of Thrones Winner: “Winterfell”

Hi everyone! Welcome back to Westeros. Welcome to Palace intrigue and incest you root for, and so much dragons and fur capes you guys.

This is our last few week crowning winners. Let’s savor it.

Anyway, I think it’s clear:

JON SNOW, or, should I say, Aegon Targaryen. You won.

Jon-Snow-1

Soo broody and handsome.

Jon rode Rhaegal! He made out with Danerys at a waterfall! He learned that he’s not who he believes he is and is actually Aegon Targaryen the rightful king of Westeros.

So…you know, yay?

Runner up is Euron. I’m very happy for him that he got to have sex with Cersei. I think that’s nice for him. Absurd Evil Pirate Wizard Kings need love too, you guys.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch Renamed Arya And Gendry Watch

Now that our two favorite freed slaves have what I assume is a happy and stable relationship, based mostly around cunnilingus and snuggling, we need to move on to the CUTEST COUPLE OF MISFITS IN THE NORTH. I’m talking about Gendry Storm and Arya Stark. The flirting! The weapons! The Hound rolling his eyes.

I’ve been rolling with some “Gendry gets the throne,” theorizing, and you know, I could see it. Queen Arya would be fun too.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

You know that scene in an early episode of New Girl where Jess describes a coworker who told her she “rocked a lot of polka dots,” and Cece is outraged on Jess’s behalf and the guys don’t get it at all?

Sansa was the coworker and Danerys was Jess. HOLY CRAP, my girl was rocking the side eye and the passive agressive comments. Just all of it! Plus she reunited with her less dysfunctional husband. (To be fair, Sansa has had terrible, terrible luck in the marriage department.) I’m kinda rooting for her and Tyrion though. I think new sassy, takes no shit Sansa, and new tired, I believe in Danerys Targaryen Tyrion could do well together.

Arya Badass Watch

Not much straight up badassery on display, but we’ve really seen her growth. She lets Jon know she sees his point, without tearing down Sansa, she flirts with Gendry, she stares The Hound down. She’s sneaking up on people and scaring them right and left. It’s all GOLD. Maisie Williams has really grown into a remarkable actor.

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

Bran didn’t time travel this week, but he did make Sam do his dirty work, and came face to face with the man who pushed him out of a window. We’ll see how that plays out next week, but guys, much like Sansa, and I think Sam a little bit, I’m wayyy over Bran’s whole, “I am the Three Eyed Raven, I have no feelings. Beep Boop,” schtick, so I hope it ends with him just grabbing a sword and swinging. (But I don’t want Jaime to die…yet…)

#NotAStark #NotABastard

So he knows now. Also he knows he’s been sticking it to his aunt. And he’s kind of pissy about all of it. Not that I blame him, it’s a lot to deal with.

Sam Is A Ravenclaw

SAM. STOLE. BOOKS. FROM. THE CITADEL. He stole books. He’s such a nerd, and it’s so awesome.

How Long Until Jaime Snaps?

Well, he’s in Winterfell and is going to be called to task on many, many of his past crimes. I could see Brienne standing up for him. I hope she does.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

JON RODE A DRAGON. Also, he knows now. That’s pretty important.

Other People Did Things

Yara gave Theon permission to go to Winterfell while she headed to the Iron Islands to get things in order in case of retreat from the North.

The Night King killed a bunch of people, arranged them in a shape, and then Beric set them on fire.

Varys called out Tyrion for his constant eunech jokes, by pointing out he hates jokes about his being a dwarf. Also Davos, did his whole, “I’m just saying what everyone’s thinking,” thing in regards to Dany and Jon. Because yeah…

Cersei was hoping the Golden Company would bring their elephants, but they didn’t and she’s kind of put out about it. I agree with her, because elephants in battle look really cool.

So, that’s where we’re at, so far. I was impressed by the episode. I’m worried about Jon. I love that Arya is home and uncreepy.

Game of Thrones Winner: “The Dragon And The Wolf”

I hate this.

Every year, I hate this. I hate when the show ends, and this year, it’s even shorter and I don’t even have any episodes in the backlog to do winners for.

I’m gonna have to read the books again, and I’m still smack dab in the middle of The Stand, so I don’t think that’ likely to happen soon.

Anyway, who won?

The Stark Girls. Obviously.

Arya and Sansa

Because, look, these two finally learned to work together. AND THEY CUT LITTLE FINGER’S THROAT.

So he’s finally gone. And it’s at the hand of the two people who have more cause to do it than anyone else. Although, all of Westeros deserves a chance to spit on his corpse since every current non White Walker problem is pretty much all his fault.

Anyway, WAY TO GO Sansa and Arya, I think I could watch that scene of the two of them on top of Winterfell over and over again. (I’ve already watched it twice.)

Runner Up is a certain King In The North, who is also uh, you know, AEGON TARGARYEN THE TRUE HEIR TO THE IRON THRONE.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

They’re around and alive. Good.

JON AND DANY HAD SEX!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He defied Cersei for her. AND THEN THEY HAD SEX. She reminded him that she can’t have children. He said that maybe that wasn’t the case. AND THEN THEY HAD SEX.

The point is they had sex.

OH, in other shipping news, Brienne convinced Jaime to do the right thing.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

See above.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

See above.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran and Sam compared notes and learned the full truth about Jon’s identity. Rhaegar and Lyanna were in love and married, in a secret ceremony right out of the ending of Episode II. (Seriously…if you didn’t get Anakin and Padme vibes from the scene…) Jon is not a bastard, he is actually Aegan Targaryen, the heir to iron throne.

This is complicated for a lot of reasons…

#NotAStark #NotABastard

So, Jon and Theon have a long talk about Ned being a part of them, so I feel like that might come home to roost at one point.

Oh, also HE AND DANY HAD SEX! Did I mention that part? And we saw Kit Harrinton’s butt. Which is always a nice trick.

Sam is A Ravenclaw

I’ve decided because it was Sam’s book learnin that gave us our final answer.

How Long Until Jaime Snaps?

Jaime did the right thing! He’s riding north to help in the big fight. He’s leaving Cersei behind. He’s honoring his vow to Dany and to Tyrion and YESSS!!!!

The Dragon Has Three Heads

The two heads boned. Dany and Jon had sex.

The other head, rode his GODDAMN ZOMBIE ICE DRAGON to the wall, and had his ZOMBIE ICE DRAGON blow a hole in said wall. He’s marching to Winterfell.

RIP

Little Finger. FINALLY. I won’t miss him. I’ve spent this whole season wondering, “why the hell is this guy still alive?”

So What Comes Next?

I don’t know. I have a few ideas. I think I need to revist the books. I know I say that every year, but well, I mean, I know.

That there are only seven episodes left altogether is really throwing me for a loop, if I’m honest. I love this world and story and these characters so much.

Spin Off Speculation

I’m better HARD on the fall of Valeria. It’s what I want the most. I would also think that the war between the children of the forest and the first men. Or anything with Bran the builder.

Game of Thrones Winner: “Beyond The Wall”

Around this time last season I gave out a win I wasn’t happy about and I think I have to do the same this time.

This week’s win goes to The Night King

Night King

Because OMG YOU GUYS AN ICE DRAGON! That’s something that’s going to happen. Anyway, he lost the battle, (kinda?) but he HAS AN ICE DRAGON NOW.

Soooo….yeah.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

They aren’t around much these days but OMG Jon calling Dany, well Dany, and her comparing him to Drogo and to Daario.

I KNOW IT’S INCEST AND IT’S SORT OF GROSS BUT I DON’T CARE I LOVE THEM AND THEY LOVE EACH OTHER AND THEY HELD HANDS AND SHE WAS SCARED THAT HE DIED AND HE BENT THE KNEE AND THEY ARE GOING TO SAVE THE WORLD AND MAYBE DIE IN EACH OTHER’S ARMS AND IT’S GOING TO BE EPIC!

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Well, her sister might be trying to kill her and Little Finger is controlling her way too much, so this section kind of blows right now.

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Not really bad ass. Just SUPER creepy, with her bag of faces and her threatening to take Sansa’s face.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

No Bran this week.

#NotAStark #NotABastard

Jon tries to give Jorah Longclaw. Jorah won’t take it and tells Jon to give it to his children. I take this as Jorah giving his creepy stalker blessing to Danerys and Jon. Or telling Jon to back off and go off and marry someone else and have children. Could be either. Oh, also he kills a white walker and he and Dany love each other and OMG OMG OMG!

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

No Sam this week.

How Long Until Jaime Snaps?

No Jaime this week, but hey, let’s talk about how long until Tyrion snaps. It might be soon, since Dany refuses to listen to him, but I mean, she wasn’t wrong to fly up beyond the wall and save everyone, and lose one of dragons, but I can see why that would be annoying if you’re Tyrion.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

I guess the third head is The Night King. I did not see that one coming.

RIP

Thoros of Myr. May The Lord Of Light lead him out of eternal darkness, because the night is dark and full of terrors. I’ll miss Thoros, and I imagine the Beric will not be far behind him, but for now, well, Beric’s still kicking.

Game Of Thrones Winner: “Eastwatch”

There is a lot of stuff in this episode.

Oh just loads. Just, so much stuff.

But who won? Well, that’s hard for me to pick, but I’m going to go with Jon. Though he doesn’t know half the reason why he gets the win.

Jon and Rhaegal

OH HEY!!!!! YOU’RE MINE NOW. – Rhaegal, probably.

So, here are some things that are happening for Jon. Rhaegal let him pet him. He and Danerys have a plan to get Cersei to leave King’s Landing and fight the army of the dead (maybe). He and Gendry are buddies like instantly.

Oh, and also Gilly finds proof that Rhaegar and Elia’s marriage was annulled and Rhaegar was married to someone else, which means that Jon is in fact, the true born son of Rhaegar Targaryen, and has a better claim on the Iron Throne than Dany, if it weren’t for the whole dragon situation, and the fact that he might not want it.

Oh, also, he’s back through the wall to capture a white walker to bring to King’s landing so that Cersei can believe in the Night King or something. Also, Dany.

Also, there were several longing looks.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Not in the episode. Cersei, however, is pregnant with Jaime’s baby, so my other werido ship is sunk, I guess. (Euron never really stood much of a chance.)

Hey, do you think if Gendry survives everything he and Arya can get together? Remember when he said, “you could be my lady,” to her. So cute.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Little Finger seems determined to ruin everything good in the world by exploiting the distrust between Sansa and Arya, and Sansa is determined to hold the North, since her siblings (well, and secret King Cousin!) don’t seem to give a rat’s ass. (Granted, Bran and Jon are trying to save Westeros from the apocalypse. And Jon is honoring his people’s wishes by not bending the knee to Dany, but still, I get her frustration.)

Arya Bad Ass Watch

Mostly she’s just skulking, which is important, but all her talk of cutting off heads and people betraying Jon pissed me off almost as much as it pissed Sansa off. Her taking down Little Finger however, would be nice.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran sees the Night King attacking East Watch, so Jon goes there.

#NotAStark

Rhaegar & Lyanna were married. JON TARGARYEN MOTHER FUCKERS. He is the rightful king of Westeros, the chosen king of the North, and one of the three heads of the dragon.

Oh, also, he’s really sexy, and has a new buddy.

And a plan.

Sam Is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly A Hufflepuff)

Sam left the Citadel. Gilly, meanwhile, found an important piece of information from a book that may change the course of the story. GILLY IS HERMIONE EVERYONE! Also, Sam needs to stop acting a like a Gryffindor. He’s not. He’s a Ravenclaw, he’s possibly a Hufflepuff. Not that they can’t do heroic things. (Luna Lovegood and Cedric Diggory and all…) Just, you know, all of it feels off.

Oh, but you know. Also, there is proof that Jon is a Targaryen.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

He won’t? Seriously, I’m bummed out about this. But, hey, he sort of kind of forgave Tyrion, so Yay?

The Dragon Has Three Heads

A NEW CANDIDATE EMERGES! (I’m talking about Gendry)

Sitcoms Ideas That Could Be The New Spin Off

Bastard Buddies: Jon and Gendry are roommates. I haven’t really gotten beyond that part yet.

Ser Mopey Bear And The Dragon Queen: Jorah and Dany’s life as newlyweds. It’s like King of Queens except with lots of glowering and pregnant pauses.

The Odd Couple: Can two sisters who survived years of trauma share a castle without driving each other crazy?

 

Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Spoils Of War”

Look, I realize there are many things that are great about this episode, and while much like last year’s season finale, part of me wants to declare us the winners again, because of Stark Sisters reunion and you know “Dracarys” and all. But I’m going to have to go with my usual thing here.

Arya Stark is our winner.

Arya

She got home, you guys, and she’s going to train with Brienne, and I don’t think that Little Finger is much longer for this world, thank god.

Overall, there’s just so much joy in the fact that ALL of the remaining Starks are in Winterfell, even if Bran is, you know, not, anymore, or whatever.

Runner up is Drogon. Because, ALWAYS. “Dracarys” will get me EVERY SINGLE TIME!

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

Both still alive for the moment. Missandei and Dany even talk about the GREATEST SEX IN THE HISTORY OF WESTEROS for a few lines. Also, Davos trying to become buddies with Missandei is the best thing in the world, and all I want is for everyone to be friends with Davos.

We will get to the other shipping thing in #NotAStark

Sansa’s Agency Watch

BAELISH NEEDS TO GO! But other than that, I’m not sure what her reaction is to Arya training with Brienne, she seems like, not on board, exactly. Which is weird. But better is the conversation between Bran, Sansa and Arya, where they discuss the dagger that Baelish gave Bran. Which again, we’ll get to below.

Arya Badass Watch

Arya. Will. Be. Training. With. Brienne. Also she has a Valerian Steel dagger. Time for our Wolf Girl to kill some White Walkers. And she’s back with her family, where she belongs.

Oh, and she’s like 1000% going to kill Little Finger, and probably very soon.

Bran Stark’s The Three Eyed Raven’s Excellent Adventure

Bran claims to not be Bran anymore, which is why he’s very blase about both Baelish giving him the dagger and Meera leaving. But like, also, MEERA DON’T GO! Stay and be badass with the other badass Northern Ladies.

#NotAStark

Jon takes Dany into a cave, and we all know what Jon does with the pretty ladies in caves…

OK, there’s no kissing “down there,” or any hanky panky, really, but why Tyrion and Varys don’t just shake the two of them and say, “IF YOU GET MARRIED IT WILL SOLVE ALL OF YOUR PROBLEMS DUMB DUMBS” I can’t quite say. But in this cave, he shows her some paintings of the first men and the children of the forest fighting the army of the dead. She agrees to help him but only if he bends the knee.

Or you know, they could get married.

They are the new ones that I shout, “NOW KISS” at.

Oh, also he doesn’t kill Theon. Which I guess was nice of him.

Sam is A Ravenclaw (Or Possibly a Hufflepuff)

No Sam this week, but his asshole of a brother, Dickon, and his dumbshit father, both almost got fried by Drogon as Dany attacked the Lannister army, which was both amazing and satisfying.

How Long Til Jaime Snaps?

Well, if he survives sinking in his armor in a lake? I’m hoping that Tyrion talks him into the right side, but you know, it’s not super likely. I was nervous he was going to get killed in the battle, further putting his brother and sister at one another’s throats, but luckily Bronn saved him.

The Dragon Has Three Heads

Here’s something that I’ve been thinking about a lot. People are focusing A LOT on whether Dany or Jon are The Prince That Was Promised. But what isn’t being focused on, is that when Rhaegar was interpreting the prophecy, he noted, that “The Dragon Has Three Heads.” Also, remember this is The Song of Ice AND Fire, not Ice OR Fire, which means, that they’re both likely the Prince, and there’s a third. The third head of the dragon.

Likely candidates are Tyrion, who many theorize is also a secret Targaryen, (complicated, but basically, The Mad King was obsessed with Joanna Lannister, and may have raped her resulting in Tyrion. I hate this theory and don’t think it holds water, but whatever.) Jorah, who the Dragons have always known, and who recently “came back to life,” and oddly enough The Hound, who was reborn after his battle with Brienne and who The Lord of Light granted a vision a few episodes ago.

People I would like but who there isn’t really evidence for: Arya, Sansa (especially Sansa), Theon, Sam, Tormund, Bran.

Only three episodes left. (GULP!)

Winter Is Here

Not to get overly gushy or anything, but OhMiGod OhMiGod You Guys! Game of Thrones comes back on Sunday.

While it’s a short visit to Westeros (only 7 episodes, although I’m choosing to think of it in terms of the two 7 episode seasons actually giving us 4 more episodes than one 10 episode season would, it’s still hard to stomach the abbreviation.)

I’ve spent a large chunk of my summer trying NOT to obsess over the fact that Game of Thrones wasn’t back and now it’s coming back and OMG I’m so happy that it’s back.

What’s going to be weird is I’ve lost some of my sounding board for the show. Mary and Joe have moved across the country and into a different time zone, so even discussing the show with them is going to be delayed, I will now rely on you, trusty blog folk, even more to flail over episodes with me.  But, since it’s been longer than usual, and because I’ve been avoiding it I haven’t rewatched the show as I usually do leading into the new season, let’s consider where we’re at:

Starks:

Jon has been declared The King In The North, and Sansa appears to be the power behind that. Little Finger (BLEH) brought the Knights of The Eyrie to save their bacon, and has declared that he wants the Iron Throne and Sansa as his queen (TRIPLE BLEH). Jon has banished Melisandre, and he and Davos are all set to shift everyone’s attention from King’s Landing to North of The Wall, where the White Walkers continue to grow in power.

Oh, also, Jon is actually the son of Lyanna Stark and Rhaegar Targaryen, and is possibly, if Lyanna and Rhaegar were married the true heir to the Iron Throne, a prime candidate to be The Prince That Was Promised, and will, if all badassness is to be fulfilled, become the rider of one of Dany’s dragons. (Probably the one named for his father.)

Or he’ll die, because George RR Martin.

Arya has begun her vengeance quest. We’ll see how that goes. Bran is officially the Three Eyed Raven now, I think?

Lannisters:

Cersei is on the Iron Throne, all her kids are dead, Jaime likely won’t put up with her shit much longer and The Sand Snakes and The Tyrells are coming for her. I want few things in this story more than Jaime killing Cersei and then himself. It feels narratively necessary.

Tyrion we’ll get to later, but yeah.

Daenerys Targaryen, Stormborn, Queen of The Seven Kingdoms & Mereen, Breaker of Chains, Khaleesi of The Great Grass Sea & Mother Of Dragons

Khaleesi is headed for Westeros, everybody say WOOO!!!! She’s got a fleet of Greyjoy ships, as well as the ships of the slavemasters, she’s got a crap ton of Dorthraki and the Unsullied on her side, plus she’s got the council of Tyrion Lannister and Lord Varys and Dragons.

We’ve seen pictured of Dany and Jon together, but whether that’s because they have scenes together or Emilia and Kit were just having a chat remains to be seen. BUT OH BOY do I want those two unsmiling hardasses to meet up and scowl at each other.

People Who I Think Are Going To Die

I mean, besides everyone? I do not think that Davos is long for this world, The Lord of Light and Melisandre as his emissary are probably not going to let his rejection stand.

Cersei, as I’ve explained and Jaime after her.

Jorah, also probably a goner, which is a bummer.

People Who May Live But Who I Don’t Think Things Will Work Out So Great For

The Good Greyjoys: I just don’t see things working out for Yara and Theon. Euron is supposed to be the most sadistic and terrifying villain we’ve seen yet, according to Martin, and he’s been thwarted by his niece and disgraced nephew, which I do not think he will take well. Also, it’s not like, out of the question that Arya: Spirit of Lady Stoneheart decides that Theon’s redemption is bullshit and murders the crap out of him.

Sansa: Too much went Sansa’s way last season. It was awesome, don’t get me wrong, but she’s long overdue for a large scale setback that is also completely horrifying.

Dany & Jon: Look I want things to work out for these crazy kids. I want them married, ruling Westeros and defeating The Others with dragonfire. BUT, this is Thrones. Martin’s never met a fantasy trope he didn’t subvert, castrate, rape, murder, feed to dogs and then set on fire. Secret son of the king, turned reborn chosen one and exiled princess returning to her true throne 100% qualify as the kind tropes he loves to stomp all over. Thus, I fear that our beloved Prince and Princess Who Were Promised are likely to wind up dead in the snow, their eyes turning blue, servants of the Night’s King. Sam and Tyrion will likely avenge them. Martin likes them a lot. A little too much, frankly.

People I will Miss Very Much This Season

Margaery Tyrell. King Tommen The Adorable. Ser Barristan Selmy. Shireen Baratheon. Stannis Baratheon. Hodor. The Faceless Man/J’Quen H’Ghar. The High Sparrow.

People I Will Not Miss At All And Thank God They’re Finally Dead/Not Involved Anymore

Walder Frey. Loras Tyrell. Ramsey Bolton. Myranda. The Fucking Waif. Every Single Character In Mereen Who Wasn’t Directly Allied With Dany.

Shipping Things I Want

Yara/Dany

Jon/Dany

Dany/Anyone (Seriously, I ship her with the whole world)

Brienne/Jaime

Shipping Things I DO NOT Want

Brienne/Tormund (DIIIIEEEEE IN A FIRRRREEEEE)

Dany/Tyrion (OK, so there’s one exception I don’t want her with)

Sansa/Anyone

Funny Thing That Happened To Me This Weekend

So on Saturday, my friend Owen mentioned that he started that show and that he’s halfway through season 2 and he hopes that Robb Stark doesn’t get corrupted by his new found power. He asked me if this happens and I half laughed/half cried, “No, Robb does NOT in fact corrupted by power.” Then he said that he didn’t I think that Robb should be the king, to which I replied, “Well, even at the point you’re at no, because I don’t think there should be a king, there should be a queen.”

Then he kept prying about what happened to Robb and I explained that this kind of conversation gets people mad at me, and he said he doesn’t care about spoilers, and everyone who’s watched the show said pretty much in unison, “OH NO, you care about this.”

Because there are spoilers and not caring and then there’s having someone wreck the Red Wedding for you.

Anyway, I told him if he wanted my thoughts, he was free to come read the thousands of words that I’ve written here about the show.

And there are more to come.

Guys, it’s back on Sunday.

Winter is Here.

Game Of Throne Winner: “Mhysa”

OK, so it’s the finale, and I’m giving an unconventional win! This week, I’m giving the win over to Gendry.

gendry-still-rowing-game-of-thrones

After learning that Melisandre and Stannis intend to burn him, Davos sticks the kid in a rowboat and sends him off. So, because he gets to live and it starts everyone’s favorite GOT meme, Gendry gets the win!

Runner up is Roose Bolton, I guess. Whatever.

Missandei And Grey Worm Watch

They’re behind Dany in her “Mhysa” moment, so there’s that. In other shipping news, Gilly names her baby Sam, and Jon and Ygritte have the most awkward breakup in the history of time. But he does say that he really loves her, so there’s that.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Sansa is still not being raped by Tyrion! She’s also making adorable revenge schemes for people that are mean to them. Also, Shay tells Varys that she’d do anything for Sansa, but it’s still, like, not a great set up for her. (Very true)

Arya Badass Watch

Arya and The Hound kill some guys who were bragging about their part in the Red Wedding. It’s ridonkulously badass.

Bran Stark’s Excellent Adventure

Bran meets up with Sam and Gilly and they all talk about the White Walkers.

Tywin Schools Joffrey

“You just sent the most powerful man in Westeros to bed without supper” Seriously, this rewatch has made me really miss Tywin’s witty, terrifying presence on the show.

OK, you guys, that’s it. I’ve now declared winners for EVERY EPISODE THAT EXISTS. And we’re not getting anything new until June. It’s going to be a long wait, and I might do something with the books in the meantime, but I’m not sure what that’s going to be yet!

Valar Morghulis everyone.

 

Game Of Thrones Winner: “The Rains Of Castamere”

Do you know how long I put off watching this episode again? A whole week of knowing I had to watch it and just not being about to do it. Also a year. I friggin waited a year to watch this season to avoid the Red Wedding.

Anyway, I have to pick a winner.

It’s Dany, I guess, because Daario, Jorah and Grey Worm take Yunkai for her. Good for you Dany.

Game-of-Thrones-Season-3-trailer-has-finally-arrived

Runner up goes to Roose Bolton, because he gets the best line, “The Lannisters send their regards.” And he’s married to Fat Walda, and we’re years away from her getting eaten by dogs, so there’s that.

This part of the show really is just no fun for anyone though.

Grey Worm and Missandei Watch

Grey Worm storms Yunkai with Jorah and Daario. Missandei is around but doesn’t do much.

Sansa’s Agency Watch

Sansa’s not in this episode, but she’s in King’s Landing, all, not being raped by Tyrion. So she’s in an OK space for the moment.

Arya Badass Watch

This is a tough episode for Arya. It’s not as bad as her chapter in the book, where I was sure that she was dead too. But still tough. She weathers it though. Hitting a dude in the face with a wagon wheel, and watching those Stark Men and then Grey Wind get killed. She’s a badass, end of story.

Robb Is A King And Kind Of Bad At It

Ah, so ends, Robb’s reign as the worst king ever. He has a plan to invade Casterly Rock, but him being a dumb butt and marrying Talisa all comes home to roost because his being a bad king gets everyone murdered at The Red Wedding.

Except Edmure who gets to marry the one hot Frey girl that Robb would have married if he weren’t such a colossal bone head.

Bran Starks Excellent Adventure

Bran learns how to Warg! He wargs into Hodor and then into Summer. He saves Jon from the Wildlings who are trying to kill him. He also sends Rickon to the Umbers. DON’T DO IT!!!!!!!!