Nerd News: Batman VS The Ninja Turtles

“So we’re making an animated movie where Batman meets the Ninja Turtles and also Batgirl is voiced by Rachel Bloom, and one of the Ninja Turtles is voiced by Darren Criss.”

My response to this news was to pinch myself, because I was pretty sure I’d hallucinated.

Batman 

VS

The Ninja Turtles

Featuring The Voice Talents of Reenie’s Choice For The Future Of Musical Theater If You Dumb Dumbs Can Stop Felating Pasek And Paul For A Second And Open Your Damn Eyes? and One Of Three Actors That Ryan Murphy Knows How To Write For? (I have very specific positive feelings about these two performers.)

This movie is going to rule! I’ve kinda dropped out of the DC Animated Movie thing. But as I spend 2019 reinvesting in superheroes in general, I’ve been tempted to catch up on stuff.

Regardless, I’ll definitely watch this, and probably would have even without Bloom and Criss involved because Batman. Fighting. The. Ninja. Turtles.

It’s a little 90’s kids cartoon dream play pretend. (Sadly, though, Conroy not voicing Batman, that would be the only way to improve this.)

Nerd Homework: Birds Of Prey (2002)

Sometimes, I do the nerd homework because it’s something good or essential, sometimes I do it because it’s fun, and sometimes I do it to remind myself that, nope, you made the right call back when you were 14 and this show about Batgirl premiered on The WB and you thought it was dumb.

Birds Of Prey is a bizarre artifact from it’s time period, full of pleather and reheated guitar pop and bad acting and some really muddled DC-verse mythology. If you’re a DC fan, you know The Birds, the all female Gotham-based team, usually lead by Barbara Gordon (Either as Batgirl or Oracle) and Black Canary. They’re fun, sassy and kick copious ass.

The Huntress has been on and off the team in both her iterations, as the alt-verse daughter of Batman and Catwoman, Helena Wayne (my preferred version) or the mob princess turned crime fighter Helena Bertenilli (Also great!).

I don’t think I need to outline my love for Babs and Dinah Lance, because you know, I’ve done that a lot.

Birds Of Prey, the TV show, presents us with Barbara Gordon, as Oracle, seven years since she was paralyzed after being shot by The Joker and Batman disappeared from the city. She’s about the only thing that the show gets right. Intelligent, empathetic, brilliant and driven, this is the Barbara Gordon I know and love.

She’s mentoring Helena Kyle (she refuses to claim the Wayne name) and Dinah Lance, a runaway.

This is where things get infuriating to a DC fan/Confusing to a Filthy Casual.

Helena is the daughter of Batman and Catwoman. Good. OK. Batman’s disappeared from New Gotham (why New? This isn’t a far flung Batman Beyond style future, it hasn’t even been a decade! So weird…) Selina Kyle was killed by The Joker to get at Batman (I mean, fine?) And we’re going by the Batman Returns style Catwoman had cat like powers, which, Helena has inherited. (Ehhh, I like my Bat-characters without powers, for the most part, but again, at least consistent) Helena refers to herself as a Half-Meta. (THAT IS NOT HOW META HUMANS WORK IN ANY VERSION! YOU CAN’T BE HALF META) She also doesn’t wear a costume or mask of any kind. Which is just an exceptionally bad idea.

Then there’s Dinah.

Oh boy did I get screamy about this. Oh, but Dinah didn’t. Yes, rather than Dinah Lance’s actually fun power of emitting disabling sonic booms with her vocal cords, Birds Of Prey makes her a pre-cog.

THERE ARE PLENTY OF DC CHARACTERS WITH PSYCHIC ABILITIES, WHY WOULD YOU GRAFT THAT ON TO A BRAWLER LIKE CANARY?

Also, Alfred is around, because I guess with Bruce all disappeared he’s doesn’t have anything to do.

The big bad is Harley Quinn (An excellent call) except she’s still functioning as Dr. Harleen Quinzel, and she’s like a criminal mastermind, mob boss type? Which is not Harley’s MO at all, and if she’s still practicing, she wouldn’t be Harley at all, you know? It’s confusing.

All of this deviation could be excused if Birds Of  Prey were any good, (Smallville, at least at it’s best is an example of that. Also the whole Arrowverse.) but it isn’t. It feels a little bit like some Charmed and Angel spec scripts had DC grafted on to them and then also you lost the charismatic cast that made Charmed work at all, and Joss Whedon and Tim Minear’s story sense that made Angel one of the greats.

It all feels cheap and dated and my god is it dull. Which is a bummer, because it has solid bones. Doing The Birds Of Prey is an excellent choice for a “Batman without Batman” show, the dynamic of Barbara Gordon in her 30’s, Helena Wayne in her 20’s and a teenage Dinah creates an interesting relationship model. And they really do get Barbara right, so that’s worth something.

But it also screams the Smallville “no tights, no flights,” ethos taken at it’s stupidest. No costumes for Huntress and Harley, in a city that’s already had Batman and Batgirl and the various Robins is a baffling choice. When Helena is considering quitting, which she does three times an episode, at one point, Barbara points out that heroing is an important legacy, carried on by people with potential, people like her, and Dick Grayson! And Tim Drake! And Jason Todd! ALL THOSE PEOPLE! But where are they? Bruce disappeared and the boys are just gone? I can handwave Dick ( In Bludhaven, maybe going through one of his “I work alone” phases) and Jason (Still dead? When was Under The Hood?) but Tim? Tim Drake wouldn’t quit after Barbara became Oracle and Bruce disappeared! Tim Drake would organize and then get all huffy when no one wanted to organize with him. He should be popping out of shadows telling Helena that she’s sloppy and to put a mask on for God’s sake every five minutes. Oh, that might be why he’s not a character on this show. Because that would actually be fun and entertaining, and this show seems allergic to both of those things.

Anyway, it’s nice to know that even as a teenaged girl, I could recognize that this show was shitty nonsense and I remain eternally grateful to Batman The Animated Series and Batman Beyond for exposing me to proper adaptations of this material early on. Also, I’m proud of nerd kind for rejecting it outright, even back in the dark ages when we thought that Brian Singer’s X-Men was the closest we’d get to the source material. (Though I can’t help but wonder if it’s forgotten for being both terrible and lady centric.)

I have a lot of affection for The WB, the network of my teen years. Both sides, what I call the Buffy side (Buffy, Angel, Charmed, Smallville, Supernatural) and the Dawson’s side (Dawson’s Creek, Felicity, One Tree Hill, Gilmore Girls, also Smallville) (That Smallville straddles both is really the show’s greatest achievement.) but they, for the most part relied on a formula, and any half assing of a formula is going to be bleak.

Justin Hartley Green Arrow

Smallville’s SECOND greatest achievement. Making me give a shit about Green Arrow(‘s abs)

The Nerd Homework feature has been all about challenging my preconceptions of stuff in my wheelhouse, that I’ve previously put off or ruled out. That is the Raison d’etre for these projects. Star Trek, Battlestar, Anime, the work of Stephen King. Which is why Birds Of Prey being on DC Universe felt like a blessing. I’d outright rejected the show twice before after watching the pilot (when it first aired and then after Arrow premiered when CW Seen was pushing it.) but maybe now I’d enjoy it.

I did not. It’s terrible. It deserves it’s fate of obscurity and mocking.

BIRDS OF PREY!!!!

It’s happening you guys.

Warner Brothers has officially green lit a Birds Of Prey movie.

I’ve spent the past 24 hours freaking the frak out about it.

The BOP lineup is apparently set. Margot Robbie is going to be producing as well as featuring as Harley Quinn, and apparently there’s going to be a villain, “we’ve never seen on the big screen before” (This is both exciting and kind of a bummer, because I was really hoping it would be the Birds VS Harley and Ivy)

I’ve wanted this for a very long time, but let’s get into the lineup:

The Huntress -Helena Bertinelli

Huntress.png

It appears they’re going Helena Bertinelli, which is fine? I like both versions of the character, but I prefer Helena Wayne. Her backstory is much more fun, and her relationship to both the vigilante world and the crime world a delight. (Bruce Wayne is her dad, Selina Kyle is her mom) But Bertinelli’s good too, and hey maybe they’ll go with her Grayson  spy backstory rather than her “mob kid decides to fight crime” one? That could be cool

Batgirl – Cassandra Caine

Blackbat

YYYEEESSSSS! While Cassandra is the Batgirl I know the least about, this gives me a good excuse to dive into her stuff. What I do know? She’s a straight up BADASS. Raised by her league of assassin parents to be the perfect weapon, she was also kept from speech and verbal communication. This makes her a body language expert, and kind of weird about like, people.

Also, she’s Asian, which means it’s a representation win.

Renee Montoya

Renee_Montoya_Prime_Earth_0001

We don’t know whether Renee will be Detective Renee Montoya of the GCPD or The Question but either way I’m on board. Renee’s a great character with some fun stories to tell and like Harley, I’m pretty sure she’s a BTAS original, which is fun.

AND OF COURSE!

Black Canary – Dinah Lance

Black_Canary_0003.jpg

Look, y’all know how I feel about Black Canary. She’s my signature cosplay, a character who pushed me to look beyond the A-List to DC’s deep and fascinating B-List characters. Dinah’s a great fighter, has a really cool power, a distinct and fun costume look. (If they skip the fishnets a la Arrow, I’ma cut a bitch) Not to mention she’s been leading the Birds for most of their best iterations.

I’m very very excited about this movie. Like dance around my room excited. Pull out my platinum blonde wig and give a Canary call excited. I was already planning on bringing the costume back this year. (HOORAY FOR SIGNIFICANT AND CONSISTENT WEIGHT LOSS!) Of course DC has taught me to be cautious with said excitement, but I have faith in Margot Robbie as a producer. She has very good instincts.

Cosplay Corner: Gotham Kids

There are few things in my fandom arsenal that I love quite as much as I do the Batfamily. Those rascally kids and their various complicated relationships to Bruce Wayne are just the best.

The Best.

So I decided to channel them in my closet cosplay. In my attempts to branch out in the past year, my Batfamily love has fallen by the wayside. But I’ll always come back to them.

Stephanie Brown AKA Spoiler


I actually wore this one a few weeks ago…But I love it a lot, and I think it makes a good start.

The tee shirt, is a fortunate gift from Mary, who bought it to tease me about my inability to contain spoilers. I’ve gotten much better about it, but still. I was happy that it was in purple, which is Steph’s color, and I wore it with a black skirt, yellow leggings and a black hoodie!

Dick Grayson AKA Nightwing


I leaned Nightwing with this outfit, (because BEST, amiright?) but I did do a nod to one Dick Grayson’s other identities. I can do that because I love him. He’s my favorite comic book character. I’ve made it very clear. You can read just about anything from the past two years and find all of that. (But specifically, this time 2 years ago, I did a full a Dick Grayson appreciation week…I did not do this on purpose, it’s just a weird timing coincidence)

Anyway, the outfit. I’m wearing a blue tank top, under a sheer black tunic and black leggings. I’m also wearing a chain with wings on it. I went blue rather than red because, despite loving the New 52 Kyle Higgins run (I’m convinced that Kyle Higgins makes comics for me, specifically, between his Nightwing run and his Batman Beyond run…) I was never super into the design. I’m also wearing a grey courdoroy mini skirt, as a quick nod to Agent 37, because while I never finished Grayson, I thought it was a great book.

I could just go on ad nauseum about Dick, but I’ve done that, so you know, fine, whatever.

Robin: Just All of Them (But mostly Damian Wayne, because of Fancy)


I couldn’t decide exactly which Robin I was channeling, which is totally fine, really. So, this outfit is all of them, I’m talking Dick Grayson, I’m talking Jason Todd, I’m talking Tim Drake, I’m talking Damian Wayne, I’m talking Stephanie Brown, I’m talking Helena Wayne, I’m even talking Carrie Kelley BITCHES!!!!

Anyway, the outfit. Yellow satin blouse, with a  green camisole peaking out under it, thick red belt and black pencil skirt. I also wore a green cuff and green earrings, so I got all of the colors in there.

I’m leaning towards Damian with it, because of the satin on the blouse. I don’t see any of the other boys warming to that much fanciness. They’re a little bit scrappier. (OK, maybe Tim…)

The Red Hood AKA Jason Todd


After Dick, Jason is easily my favorite Batfamily character. (Oh calm down, I love Babs too. And Tim. And Damian. Picking favorites is hard.) There are lots of reasons to love Jason. His attitude, his completely ridiculous backstory, his intense and wonderful bro-mance with Roy Harper. (Red Hood And The Outlaws was the best book of the New 52 and you will not ever convince me otherwise!) Seriously, if you don’t know Red Hood, but like Deadpool? You’ll like Red Hood. But for this week, I was mostly just glad that his look is pretty easy to achieve. (Honestly, I’m contemplating adding a mask and symbol and taking it to NYCC…)

Anyway, Black tee shirt, light wash jeans, brown leather jacket (This is my Cap jacket, there’s something perverse about Jason and Steve sharing a piece of clothing, but I sort of love that…) I tied my hair back with a red bandana, which isn’t exactly a “hood” but does have certain outlaw signifiers.

I really had fun with these, and that one of them might transform into Con Ready, well, that’s just a bonus!

 

Here’s The Sitch: Kim Possible Season 4 Episodes 7 & 8

Hey everyone! I’m back into the routine of things around here and I’m even going to be spending a large chunk of time get ahead, as I’m going to be spending the next few weekends at the shore! (Yay for beach!)

Let’s get started on this week’s Kim Possible catch up though, which is important.

Kim Ron Rufus

Season 4: Episode 7 “Grande Size Me”

Another one of those parodies that’s stuck right in it’s moment, but functions as an episode well on it’s own.

Super Size Me, Morgan Spurlock’s documentary, was a really big deal and really freaked a lot of people out. (Seriously, I’ve only just started being able to eat McDonald’s again in the past few years, and still really only the fries. That movie is horrifying) And it fits that in response to Barkin trying to teach him about healthy eating Ron doubles down on his Bueno Nacho eating, refusing to eat anything else.

The “mission” involves Jack Hench trying to sell his newest contraption, and Ron slowing down the team with his new physique.

Also he turns into the Hulk, but made out of cheese.

I get the feeling that this episode was reverse engineered from that particular moment.

In the end Ron learns about healthy eating, sort of, and also addresses the audience about the danger of cheese related mutation.

So that’s sort of fun.

Season 4: Episode 8 “Clothes Minded”

Kim’s mission outfit gets damaged in combat and both Club Banana and Smarty Mart have discontinued the style.

Kim looks for a new look, while getting out smarted by Drakken and Shego stealing various parts to a new machine that will create a new Pangea. She finally gets out of her clothes related funk when Drakken kidnaps Ron and she knows that she needs to get it together.

It’s a simple place setting episode and Kim’s new look is pretty great.

Season 4 Outfit

Boo-Yas And Nacos

  • Rufus also gets really chunky during Ron’s Grande Size me experiment. It’s adorable.
  • Ron is in health class because he forgot to go as a freshman. Thus he is a classmate with the tweebs.
  • The third plot of “Clothes Minded” is everyone talking to Kim about college. She decides to apply to overseas schools, and see the world
  • Drakken has never heard of Pangea. This is wonderful.
  • Kim’s new look was designed by The Fashionistas, that’s fun.
  • Look, I’m not accusing Cameron Stewart of anything. I’m just saying that the above look has some suspiciously similar elements to a certain hipster vigilante.
It's so cool, you guys. So stinking cool!

I’m just saying!

Batman Eternal 47-52

So, the delay on this (and last month’s) wrap ups were for a couple of reasons.

  1. It seemed silly to do a wrap up with only 1 issue left
  2. My comic shop didn’t get enough copies of #50, so I couldn’t read a couple of issues until this week, when they finally got my copy for me.

Anyway, it’s time to talk about these final days of Batman Eternal, what I liked, what I loved, what I didn’t care about (Batwing and Spectre, but I think you guys knew that.) and what drove me crazy.

First! The real bad guy was Lincoln March, which, if it hadn’t been ruined for me by Tumblr, would have been a fun twist, it was a fun twist, but I knew it had to be someone because there was no way that Cluemaster was really the bad guy…I mean, we all love the Brown family, but there’s no way that the guys who created, you know, an origin for Joker were he is actually the devil were going to have Cluemaster be the villain in the most epic Bat-story ever.

So it’s Lincoln March, or Thomas Wayne Jr, or whoever he is, Snyder you master of ambiguous endings you, who made Cluemaster think he was in charge to get revenge on Bruce, or something? I dunno. Then he killed him and I just thought, poor, poor Steph. Bruce beats the ever loving crap out of him, while Harper, Tim, Jason, Barbara and the Pennyworths take care of several other villains.

Steph tries to run off, but realizes that this is her chance to really be a hero and saves Bruce’s bacon at one point.

So how does it end for everyone?

Oh well, Dick and Damian never show up, which is…sort of a bummer. I feel like this whole, “Bat-family fights together to save Gotham” business doesn’t quite land without Dick Grayson being involved. I mean, I get it. I like Grayson, I just hate how it messes with the general scheme of things.

There’s also a part where Harper asks Batwoman if they can team up, and I don’t even read Batwoman, but I would read the ever loving crap out of them together.

Gordon gets out of prison, and Bard and Vicki walk into the sun set, or whatever, (on the don’t really care list, that storyline), Barbara kicks the crap out of Joker’s Daughter, which is cathartic, and Jason keeps trying to leave her voicemails about liking her, which is, I mean, I would love to see some action there, I really would.

Like I’ve said, it’s the ship I never knew I always wanted.

Anyway, Roy is already making fun of him for it, so who knows how it’s going to work out in Red Hood/Arsenal.

But here’s my favorite ending.

Now alone, Steph has moved in with Harper and Cullen and I love this. Tim and Steph finally finally meet, and guess what happens.

LONG ANGSTY LOOK!!!!!!!!!!! 

There is literally a panel of them just staring at each other and then Harper snickers, and Tim is awkward and IT’S SO PERFECT OMG I WANT TO DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!! But also, there’s just some fun Steph and Cullen action.

Really fun.

Anyway, what did I think of Eternal as a whole?

I thought it was an interesting experiment. I liked the arcs, and I really enjoyed that it felt like a TV show, pacing wise, each issue feeling like an episode. I wish that there hadn’t been quite so much villain whiplash and faking out and given us an longer game between Bruce and Lincoln.

Who gets frozen by The Owls again. Which is great because The Owls you guys. I love it, I love how they stayed out of all of it, and then just came in at the end to get Lincoln.

Batman Eternal 39-42

FullSizeRender

Guys, she’s here! Blue Bird has landed and she’s perfect. Harper has gone full superhero, after that weird nano virus turns out to be engineered by The Mad Hatter to control all of Gotham’s teenagers. When even Tim, Barbara and Jason succumb, it’s up to Harper to save the say.

And save the day she does, basically dressed as Nightwing…but uh, anyway…

Meanwhile, Bruce is figuring out that Riddler is not the mastermind and it’s most definitely absolutely R’as. Because there’s a whole lot more, “father and daughter” talk to what he’s hinting for it not to be, but let’s talk about that for a minute.

Father’s and daughters are a huge motif in this series and I can’t believe that I didn’t pick up on it before.

Barbara and Jim Gordon.

Julia and Alfred Pennyworth.

Spoiler and Cluemaster.

Selina Kyle and Leo Calabrese.

Harper and Her father.

So the idea that this is all pointing towards some kind of showdown with Talia and R’as isn’t out of left field, even if I feel a little bit annoyed at myself for not picking up on it.

Anyway, Stephanie learns that while Killshot was on her tail, it was to protect her, he was hired by her mom. Stephanie is then kidnapped by Selina, which makes perfect sense to me.

I can’t be the only person who wants Barabra to form a new Birds of Prey team with Harper and Steph, right? I mean that would be pretty amazing. Julia could run things for them.

Also, when Tim calls Barbara and Jason in to help free the kids, Jason interprets it as, “so you’re saying you want me to shoot a bunch of kids?”

Oh Jason. This is why we all love you. “There’s a problem, I know I should shoot at it! The answer is so simple!”

Anyway, Harper saves the kids, and explains to Tim, that while she appreciates his attempts to save her, they aren’t necessary, she was always going to do this, this was always what she wanted and he was never going to be able to talk her out of it.

So, really, when is Damian, now back to life going to pop up? I think we can all agree that that is something that needs to happen. They could all do with a ten year old, who had Superman’s powers and the worst attitude in the history of the world right?

Batman Eternal 34-38

IMG_0614

Another 5 issue month. (Eep! So Many! And also, SO BEHIND, but I’m going to be a plane this week, so I’ll get caught up!) So here we go.

First of all, the kids are back! Well, kind of. Tim and Harper had some stuff to do again, Harper even went to visit Cullen in the hospital, and tell him about seeing Tim get out of the shower. Sadly nothing R rated. I also, want it noted that I’m currently triple shipping Tim. Tim/Harper and Tim/Steph here (although really, I’d just like Tim to like, MEET Steph…or for Steph to BE IN THE BOOK AGAIN), and Tim/Cassie over in Teen Titans. Anyway, Harper had to call Jason and Barbara because, Tim is really serious about not talking on the phone while riding his motorcycle I guess?

But why are they calling Jason and Barbara? Well, see, Jason Bard (idiot) blackmailed Lucius Fox into blowing up all of Batman’s weapon’s caches and then the Batmobile, but luckily Julia and Bruce had a contingency plan because of course they did. Then Tim, Jason and Barbara had to help Bruce threaten Bard, because I guess that time that Barbara and Jason dangled him off a building wasn’t good enough? Or whatever?

Oh, they also captured Hush and he’s locked in a glass tube in the Batcave, which is ridiculous and awesome and SOOOO Snyder.

And Riddler is the real badguy.

Probably. I feel like, “the real badguy” has been revealed like six times here. I bet it’s actually Two Face. Or possibly R’as. We haven’t seen them yet.

Anyway Jason then made fun of Barbara’s new look and called her a copycat because Barbara/Jason might be the ship I never knew I always wanted?

Anyhoodle, all of the villains are getting together to drive Batman insane, because that always works out well for them.

But Selina catches wind of that, and it would get in the way of her new crime empire so she puts a stop by it by also involving Poison Ivy and Killer Croc and I didn’t really track this plot because of that thing in the last paragraph about Jason making fun of Barbara’s jacket. But there’s a very cool fight between Croc and Bane, and also Joker’s Daughter seems to be out of commission, so that’s pretty good.

Vicki went to Detroit to dig up dirt on Bard, and it turns out he really hates Batman because a Batman impostor got his partner/girlfriend killed in a drug raid or something. Bard is finally repentant and goes to Gordon for advice and Gordon tells him to get him out of there.

Also a ghost is probably haunting Batwing’s suit because of The Spectre and Maggie Sawyer was in this month a lot which made me sad, because Batwoman is ending and also, Batwoman has been pretty terrible since they didn’t let Kate and Maggie get married.

See everyone next year!

Holiday Geekery: Bat-Lantern edition

So, as you all know from the past two years, one of my favorite parts of the Holidays is getting to talk about nerdy stuff with my cousin Tommy.

Shut up.

We’re bonded and he’s away and college so we don’t get to do this a lot.

Seriously, rest of the family SHUT UP!

This year, we had a very interesting discussion, trying to decide if the Batfamily got Power Rings, which rings would they get.

If you’re a DC fan this is in infinitely hilarious and unending conversation to get into. So, here we go:

There are some very obvious choices.

Jason Todd would get a red ring. This man is all about rage. Anger. Raging Anger. That was not a difficult choice by any means.

We actually decided that Bruce Wayne would get a yellow ring, this took a little bit more deliberation, but if Batman is about anything he’s about mastering and then using fear as a weapon. Obviously a lot of power with the yellow light in that.

The Green would go to Barbara Gordon. This was a tougher call. We weren’t sure at first because, well, there is a runner up here. But Babs gets it. She’s brave and strong and the power of will is definitely something that she’s got in spades.

So about that runner up.

Look, you’re reading this, so you probably know how I feel about Dick Grayson.

Which is why I immediately nominated him as the choice to be the Bat-Family Green Lantern, and Tommy and I talked it out and we realized that no, Dick should be a Star Sapphire. Wielding the power of love and emotions in order to help people is like, the Dick Grayson-iest thing possible.

Damian doesn’t get a ring. What are you crazy? Giving Damian Wayne a power ring is like asking for the entire world to blow up.

Tim, um…we sort of forgot about Tim. Sorry Tim! We love you, we both really, really, like Tim Drake. A lot. I don’t know why we forgot. I think because we were SO EXCITED about the idea of Dick Grayson as a Star Sapphire. (And yeah, we’re both pretty psyched about John Stewart getting that power, because we really like John Stewart)

So that was my Thanksgiving. How was yours?

Also, now that we’re out of National Novel Writing Month (HOORAY I won!) it’s back to weekday updates. At least until I start revising…

Batman Eternal: 26-29

IMG_0591

Hello, Gotham! I am sitting watching your sad excuse for a television show on my DVR right now as I write this. (Actually this week’s episode was great. No Fish Mooney. Huh, imagine that.)

So I may have abandoned the weekly recaps of what comics I’m reading, but any series that has an issue end with Barbara Gordon and Jason Todd breaking a corrupt cop’s leg and then cuddling on a bridge deserves every inch of my attention. (It didn’t go beyond the bridge cuddling, because Jason had to go back to third wheeling it with Kori and Roy, but it was a lovely moment.)

So, we’re checking in on this month’s Eternal.

Hush is definitely behind everything and no one, especially not Julia believes Bruce when he’s talking about it. Luckily, when Tim, Barbara and Jason go to the Batcave to yell at Bruce about something, like not trusting them, or whatever. (This scene is getting old, my friends. How many times can those three do this? I can’t wait until Damian’s back so Tim can go back to fighting with him…) He tells them that it’s Hush and they are immediately on board, because they know that Hush is bad news. Although, Jason was still dead when he was around right? Ugh, continuity, you tricky beast you.

So back to that cop dangling. Barbara’s decided she’s had enough of Bard not freeing her father. So she dangles him off a building and almost kills him. She doesn’t, because Jason shows up to do it for her. This of course jolts her out of it and they just break his leg. This is the most twisted and hilarious exorcising of sexual tension in the history of ever and so deeply fitting of these two characters I can barely stand it. Barbara tries to convince Jason to stay in Gotham and he says no. She points out vaguely that they could give it a shot and he responds, “I’m not Dick Grayson,” and then I cry forever.

I will never ship Jason/Barbara but this was a very fun little pocket of action, if I do say so myself.

Meanwhile, Selina almost gets herself killed in a strip club in front of that little kid but Bruce saves her, because Selina. She decides to take up her father on his offer to take over the Calabrese family, which we all knew was going to happen anyway.

Meanwhile, at Arkham, where Alfred is now under the watchful eye of some psychos. (GREEEAAAATTT…)  Joker’s Daughter is keeping Batwing in a box, but he gets out and manages to get to where Deacon Blackfire is resurrecting himself, and maybe now that all of that Jason/Barbara drama is over I’ll pay attention to this plotline. I probably won’t but you know, whatever. They intercept a clue from The Riddler, which basically confirms that Hush is in control of everything.

In Stephanie land, she confronts her father and lets Batman know that people are tracking him. She’s doing some cool things and I hope that her plotline links up with the rest of the family soon. (TIM AND STEPH NOW PLEASE! THANK YOU!)

So that’s this month’s Eternal, see you next month.