Previously On The 007 Project: I was getting tired of Roger Moore and his campy shenanigans. Also, in the real world there was an attempted violent coup against the government of the country where I live and I felt a little bit, uh, overwhelmed. Also, I now have two day jobs, so…:I needed a few weeks off to adjust. But I’m back now. I’ve got three movies watched and posts banked. Let’s get started!
Who’s Our Bond?
We’re still in Roger Moore land. He’s better here than in Moonraker because this is a better movie than Moonraker. James Bond doesn’t belong in space. His sarcastic charm works well in this one.
What’s The Plot?
Guys this is like the Stefan sketch of Bond movies. “It has everything! Thrilling car and boat chases, a crazed assassin out for James Bond, a Greek heiress bent of revenge, horny teenage figure skaters, Moneypenny’s weird file cabinet mirror!”
Bond first, after visiting Tracy’s grave, is summoned to a helicopter, which it turns out is a trap, from, I assume Blofeld. It’s a bald guy who’s face we don’t see. I miss Blofeld so much, you guys. Anyway, after crashing the helicopter, we get the them and then Bond is called in to see M, who gives him his mission, an archeologist is searching for a bomb in the ocean, or something, whatever, not the point. The point is, the guy was assassinated, and they need to question the guy who did it. So Bond goes to a compound and find the guy, who is then gunned down by, GASP the archeologists daughter, out for revenge.
She assures Bond that if they can find the guy who PAID the assasin, they’ll find the truth about her father’s work. Also, she really really wants revenge. Anyway, they go to Greece and they do some chases and they scuba dive, and there’s also an alpine ski chase at one point, because this whole movie is basically a greatest hits montage.
Eventually, Bond and Melina (Said vengeful daughter) head to a compound to find the real killer and find the information her father was looking for. (I missed some of the particulars, I was distracted by Melina’s cross bow) and the general quality of the flick.
Anyway, after they win they have sex on a boat. And Bond gets a call from Maggie Thatcher which is hilarious.
Tell Me About The Girl
Carole Bouquet plays Melina, who goes around trying to track down the lowlifes who killed her family and murdering them with a crossbow, so she’s basically Helena Bertinelli and I am A OK with that. She’s also immediately into Bond which is fun.
While tracking down information in Switzerland, Bond also encounted Bibi Dahl, an American figure skater who is super horny and definitely wants him. She’s also clearly a teenager and he turns her down. How very evolved of him. She’s played by Linn-Holly Johnson and she’s super annoying.
The final of the three ladies in this one is Countess Lisl Von Styth who is not actually a countess but a normal British girl disguising herself as one. She’s great. I enjoyed her, she’s the one who has sex with Bond and then dies, which we haven’t seen in a few films!
The Song is The Thing
I enjoyed the song, “For Your Eyes Only” performed by Sheena Easton. Bond Themes have moved into the 80s now and it’s very obvious. But this one is at least fun.
I was happy to see the back to basics of this one, I enjoyed Melina and Moore seemed a better dialed in. But in a lot of ways it reminded me of Spectre which I described as, “sure is a Bond movie” it checks all the boxes but doesn’t really do any of the stuff it’s doing spectacularly.
Next week we get into the terribly named but actually awesome Octopussy.