The 007 Project: Thunderball

Previously On The 007 Project: I forgot to edit this piece and so it’s up a day late. It’s not like this is a stressful or odd week for Americans or anything. But I watched Goldfinger, I noticed that the formula was in place. Hooray!

Who’s Our Bond:

Sir Sean Connery, RIP. He’s out for a movie after this one, and he passed away this past week. He was a singular talent and by all accounts, great to work with but a real bastard in his personal life who was OK with hitting women

People are complicated

Anyway, he’s looking old in this movie again, but the toupee is still good, he’s still selling it, he’s definitely skating along in the role.

What’s The Plot?

We’re back in the Carribean! SPECTRE is still recruiting, they stole some bombs, and Number 2, Emilio Largo, is the one Bond is pursuing. His lair is under water so there is a whole bunch of SCUBA fighting which is cool. Anyway, two french sibling, Francois and Dominique “Domino” Derval are involved with Largo, though Francois is actually dead. Anyway, they find the bombs and again UNDER WATER FIGHTING, and Domino who was involved with Largo in a vague way, now gets involved with Bond, and also Leiter is around. (Again, I’m distracted this week, I apologize for vagueness)

I’m Adressing The Problematic

I mean, it takes place in the Caribbean, and the only people of color are servants. So that sucks. Also, Largo is definitely raping Domino but we’ll get into that.

Tell Me About The Girl

Domino is played by Claudine Auger, and befitting her name she’s always in black or white or some combination. She wears some rocking gowns, and she gets to murder her rapist which is super fun and cool.

There is also the evil Fiona Volpe, played by Luciana Palozzi who does have sex with James Bond, but doesn’t turn good. She’s a SPECTRE agent, she enjoyed herself and getting him to get his guard down, but his magic dick does not work on her.

TAKE THAT JAMES BOND! They’re both really hot and again, excellent gowns in this movie.

Joe’s Bond Car Corner

LOOK I PROMISE I WILL GET THESE DONE AT SOME POINT BUT IT’S BEEN KIND OF A WEEK, IT WAS JOE’S BIRTHDAY AND HALLOWEEN AND MY BIRTHDAY AND A SUPER IMPORTANT ELECTION AND MY DAD’S BIRTHDAY AND I’M SO TIRED AND STRESSED AND AHHHHHHHH.

The Song Is The Thing

I really, really like “Thunderball” as performed by Tom Jones, rules! Like almost all of them, it seems to be about a bad break up, if you don’t know anything about James Bond. Good stuff, very fun, listened to it a bunch.

Other People’s Opinions Matter Too, I guess

This week we hear from my baby cousin Bobby, who is actually 19 years old, but he’s the baby. Thunderball is his favorite Bond movie!

Here are some things he had to say:

Me: Is this your favorite Bond movie because James Bond is dressed like all our male relatives? (PASTEL SHORTS GALORE IN THIS MOVIE!)
Bobby: Doesn’t hurt.

Here are Bobby’s actual reasons for Thunderball being his favorite:

  • Awesome song (As discussed above, I love this song)
  • Coolest villain! Wears an eyepatch!
  • Best Bond Girls. (Domino kills her rapist, Fiona does not succumb to Bond’s magic penis)
  • Underwater fights! One of which feature Domino HARPOONING HER MOTHER FUCKING RAPIST.

Thank you for your contribution Bobby!

If you would like to be featured in a “Other People’s Opinions Matter Too” segment, message me on Twitter (@fangirlsdilemma) or Facebook (The Fangirl’s Dilemma) I’d love too chat!

Overall Thoughts

I enjoyed this movie, I like SCUBA fighting, RIP Sean Connery. I have not completely lost my mind but I’m not totally sane right now.

Hope you’re all doing OK, I love you, turn off the news, watch a fun movie. Next week we dive into You Only Live Twice. What’s the deal with George Lazenby? Will I be more sane while watching and writing it up? (This depends largely on 8,000 peole in the state of Nevada, actually…) Is the existential dread of the Year of Our Lord 2020 finally destroying my brain? WHO CAN SAY?

*Update: It’s still Connery in You Only Live Twice. Seriously, my brain is complete mush. I’m sorry.

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