You’re A Loser, Eddie

Venom

In the past six years, I’ve watched a lot of movies, and I’ve enjoyed most of them. Even the bad ones. I’m pretty good about rooting out stuff I won’t like and find things I like even in movies that I don’t really care for.

Once in a while though, I come across a movie that I watch and think, “my lord this is dumb, and I love everything about this.”

And that is how I felt watching Venom. 

Venom is not a good movie by any objective standard. The acting is hammy, the script is convoluted, the action sequences (save one) are muddy and nonsensical, and the effects are meh.

But boy is Venom a fun movie to watch. Tom Hardy sells the crap out of asshole with a heart of gold Eddie Brock, and Michelle Williams does well with her requisite “sad girlfriend” role, something she could probably do in her sleep at this point. (Though her, “new but not as interesting boyfriend,” is played by the delightful Reid Scott! I gasped and said “BRANDO!” out loud. I was not embarrassed.) (I recently learned that a lot of people’s first Netflix binge was My Boys, which makes me happy because that means more people than I thought are aware of that show.)

Venom suffers for being an attempt to start a Spider-Man connected universe without access to Spider-Man, but otherwise is pretty good, it reminds me of The Incredible Hulk, another totally meh movie that I greatly enjoy everytime I watch it. I’m sure when this pops up on a streaming service I already own I will happily watch it a few times.

As for those mostly only OK action pieces? The car chase in the middle makes up for all of them. Holy crap is it inventive and cool and uses the symbiotes powers in some very neat ways. And that post credit scene kind of encapsulates everything that’s wrong headed about people doing post credit scenes that aren’t Kevin Feige. Though I am, of course, always happy to see Woody. (Seriously, always.)

Anyway, the movie is fun. I’m glad I finally saw it, but also glad I didn’t run out to see it or anything because it’s not great. But it’s fine for what it is.

Rankings:

  1. The Incredibles 2
  2. Bohemian Rhapsody
  3. A Star Is Born
  4. Solo: A Star Wars Story
  5. Deadpool 2
  6. Mamma Mia: Here We Go Again!
  7. Ocean’s 8
  8. Infinity War
  9. Ant-Man And The Wasp
  10. Venom

Trailers:

Alita: Battle Angel: I can think of few better matches between source material and director than Robert Rodgriguez and Alita. The movie looks bonkers, and I”m always on board for Rodgriguez’s vision.

Into The Spider-Verse: THIS WILL BE THE GREATEST MOVIE EVER. I audiably gasped when Spider-Gwen (Shadow Spider? Right?) showed up.

Aquaman: You know how sometimes you just inhale deeply because someone is so attractive. This is pretty much how I feel everytime I see Jason Momoa, ever.

Glass: Hahaha, hahaha, hahaha. This is the most improbable movie to ever be made and I’m thrilled for it.

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