I mean, there have been plenty of people who’s work I’ve admired unmasked as scumbags in the past year, who I’ve sighed, and moved on from. I’ll notice them pop up in something, shake my head, or excise them from my lists and that will be all. I leave it be. I don’t really remark on it, beyond a few bitch sessions with friends who share it in common with me, but not public because, me feeling icky watching The 70s Show reruns or Gossip Girl on Netflix is like, the least of the terrible things about Danny Masterson and Ed Westwick being rapists, ya know?
But this one feels different. This one was me holding my breath that Chloe Dykstra’s ex she referred to in this essay (who I will not name, as she didn’t, but I mean, we know…right? WE ALL KNOW!) was someone else.
Not that guy.
Not the guy, the one who I credit as the inspiration for this blog and everything I’m trying to build here. Who introduced me to like, half of the stuff I love. The one who I’ve had a dumb silly crush on since I was seven and watched him on MTV. The one who’s stand up special I raced back to a hotel room from Epcot to watch as it aired on Comedy Central.
Of course me losing a hero pales in comparison to Dykstra’s pain. Obviously.
And of course I still have This Is Rad and Doctor Who and The Meltdown and Super You and The Thrilling Adventure Hour, separate from this guy.
I try really hard to not let “being a nerd” or “being a fan” define my identity. I love my interests and I find them rewarding, but they’re not who I am. Who I am is deeper than that. What I value is deeper than that, that shit is all surface. Which is why, for the most part, while I’m made sad by the purging of scumbags from entertainment, because of the damage wrought, I’ve managed to you know, keep it in perspective. It’s not about me, or my likes, it’s about building a stronger world where the things I do value deeply will be able to thrive.
But I built a lot of things I do value on this guy’s public values. My work here, the whole “put forward what you love, don’t give air to the things you hate” ethos I’ve tried to cultivate, came in a big way from this guy.
So this one stings for me. That is all.