Here Come The Clones, Detective Kenobi Is On The Case, and A Wedding!

Two years ago in my full review, I talked about the squandered potential of Star Wars: Episode II: Attack Of The ClonesSo I won’t dwell on that here.

This will be longer than yesterday’s post, because OMG so much mythology is introduced here.

  • Anakin and Padme have the major hots for eachother. This is less weird for him. (10 year old crushes on 14 year old), although hers is more of the “whoa, you grew up nice,” situation, they explore this in a few way, mostly by sighing dramatically at one another and staring off into the distance. (I should note, I have sort of stolen this technique in my wonderful fantasy romance story The Marina Chronicle! Shameless Plug!) Eventually they admit their feelings and are secretly married. HOORAYYYY!
  • Obi-Wan performs the “Jedi Mind Trick” on a drug dealer in a bar. This is his signature move. It is also the Jedi trick that Rey does reflexively with a storm trooper in The Force Awakens. (REY IS A KENOBI)
  • Palpatine has befriended Anakin and knows about his feelings for Padme, so he pushes them together, by taking a hit out on her and suggesting he be her body guard. This is the first time I realized, that Palpatine must be a really big Witney Houston fan.
  • We learn that it is possible to quit being a Jedi. Count Dooku did it, and is now also a Sith Lord known as Darth Tyrannus.
  • Tyrannus/Dooku recruits a bounty hunter named Jengo Fett to be the basis of a clone army ordered in the name of the republic by Darth Sidious/Palpatine. The clone army itself is important (it’s part of Palpatine’s plan to further divide the galaxy/radicalize the senate) as is Fett, as he requests one clone to raise as a son. This is Boba Fett. You’re welcome Star Wars fandom.
  • Yoda kicks ass. So does Mace Windu. That’s not really mythology, just shit I like.
  • Anakin gives in to the power of the dark side for the first time, when he destroys a tribe of Sand People who kidnapped and tortured his mother. He’s also begun having visions of the people he cares for in agony. It is unclear whether these come from Sidieous or from the Force itself.
  • Anakin regards Obi-Wan as his father. They later refer to their relationship as more brotherly. Either way, they’re family. There’s attachment that shouldn’t exist between them.
  • The Geonoxians (bug aliens allied with Dooku) are working on “the ultimate weapon” (Death Star!)
  • We meet Bail Organa for like half a scene!

Tomorrow we’ll talk about Episode III, which I love with the kind of absurd affection you have for a first love. I know it’s garbage, but I think it’s a delight!

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