What’s Up Once Upon A Time: “A Bitter Draught”

Hey All! It’s time for our second round of figuring out what hell is going on in Storybrooke on Once Upon A Time. 

We’re lucking out so far, because this season seems to be following an actual pattern. But I’m sure there will be some twists and turns that are complete incomprehensible coming up.

Who’s The Dark One Right Now?

Still Rumple. He’s mostly in this episode in flashback form, but he does get one scene with The Evil Queen where he makes her swear not to hurt Belle and Baby in whatever her plan is. Also she hits on him. It’s kinda weird.

What’s Emma’s Problem?

Still the tremors and death visions, but she’s sticking with therapy help stop them. But she’s currently worried that Regina is the one in the hood, as everyone else she cares about is in the vision not under the hood. (I will pay MONEY to people if it’s not actually Emma herself under that hood.)

Also, that pirate blouse is a problem of a different kind.

Why Can’t Regina Be Happy?

Well, she is a recovering revenge monster who’s revengy side is currently running around without a conscience, sooo, yeah. We’re starting to learn that the folks from the land of untold stories are most certainly there because of Regina. Which will absolutely impede her happiness.

Do Charming And Snow Have Anything To Do?

YES! For once. They are integral to this week’s story of The Count Of Monte Cristo. Regina hired the Count to kill them back in the day, so they get some really cool fight scenes.

But because we were back in The Enchanted Forest, we were unfortunately subjected to Snow’s terrible wig.


So bad

Did We Meet Anyone New?

YES! We met the Count of Monte Cristo, which is a mean story to put on ABC on Sunday nights, for those of us who dearly miss Revenge. Anyway, after he succeeded in his revenge quest, Regina brought him from post revolutionary France (I mean, I presume, his setting didn’t change) to The Enchanted Forest, where he was going to poison Snow and Charming, and Snow’s adorable handmaiden Charlotte, but then he fell in love with Charlotte, who wound up poisoned anyway as a part of a power play between Rumple and Regina, and they ran away to The Land Of Untold Stories, so she wouldn’t you know, die. And in the end she died once they got to Storybrooke anyway, and he wound up stabbed in the back by Regina after he tried to kill Snow and Charming again.

But mostly this made me want to watch Revenge again…Emily/Amanda would never get stabbed on a dock like a little bitch.

Has Hook Assimilated Into Modern Life At All?

Nope! He hasn’t even watched Star Wars or The Godfather, and I understand that they’ve been busy, and then he was dead, but maybe carve out time for Star Wars and The Godfather! They’re pretty important.

However, Henry listen Temple Of Doom as “one of the greatest sequels of all time” alongside Godfather Part 2 and Empire, which, no.

Do I ship it?

Hook/Emma: ALWAYS

Rumple/Belle: At the moment, no.

Rumple/Evil Queen: NOT EVEN A LITTLE

Zelena/Rumple (As he’s single at the moment): Sure, I mean, they’d be fun together.

The Count of Monte Cristo/Charlotte The Handmaiden: They seemed like a nice couple. I’m sad they didn’t get a chance.

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