Answers To Questions We Haven’t Asked

Fantastic Four

Oh Fantastic Four.

Poor Fantastic Four.

There’s a good movie in you somewhere but it got so lost. I don’t know how, I don’t know who did it, but somewhere, something went terribly, terribly wrong, and now you’re not even a craptastically bad movie, you’re just boring.

This makes me sad for you.

Fantastic Four was being called, “The Worst Superhero Movie Ever,” within minutes of it’s release. That’s a ridiculous claim, it’s not even the worst superhero movie of the post X-Men era. It’s boring, but at least it’s not boring and long like Wolverine: Origins. Hell, it’s not even the worst Fantastic Four movie, there was some passion involved in it, unlike Rise of The Silver Surfer.

So, it’s not the worst, but it’s not good either. The beginning is good. Our introductions to the characters are cool. The cast is great and click well together. The final action pieces are also good. It’s the middle that’s the problem. I won’t harp on Sue Storm not getting to go on the mission, every one has covered that, and it was a dumbass decision. That said, I liked everything else they did with her character. I liked her relationships with Victor, Johnny and her father. I liked that Sue and Reed actually felt like two nerdy kids who like each other, and could have conversations about science and their lives. And Kate Mara does a nice job with her. She’s for sure the most interesting character in the movie, which is a nice change.

They didn’t give Johnny enough to do, which bummed me out, because I love Michael B. Jordan. But even he had more to do than Jamie Bell’s Ben Grimm, who is barely in the movie and mostly just mopes.

I mentioned that the middle section doesn’t work for me, because they try to do a sort of horror movie thing and it just doesn’t quite click. You see the intent, and I get the idea that Reed is so freaked out by what he’s done everything is terrifying, but it just doesn’t work.

And speaking of Reed, it’s a shame that Miles Teller is stuck in a bad version of this movie. In a good version of this movie, he would have been very good as Reed Richards. Because if Teller can sell anything, it’s being a good guy, who is also sort of a dick.

The movie is muddled, boring and doesn’t know what it wants to be, but I’m glad I checked it out and made my own opinions about it. Your mileage may vary.


  1. Ant-Man
  2. Mad Max: Fury Road
  3. Inside Out
  4. Tomorrowland
  5. Jurassic World
  6. Ricki And The Flash
  7. Avengers: Age of Ultron
  8. Minions
  9. Fantastic Four (Yes, because it wasn’t as much fun as Terminator, but it made a hell of a lot more sense)
  10. Terminator: Genisys
  11. Entourage
  12. Pitch Perfect: 2


Deadpool: HOLY SHIT! I’d seen the leaked grainy trailer, and while this wasn’t the red band version. (Boo) It was incredible. I can’t believe how good it was. Wow

I actually don’t really remember any of the other trailers, but there also wasn’t anything else new, so there’s that.

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