It all started in the summer of 2008, in my parent’s living room. I was sitting with my friend Courtney, talking about books, TV shows and what we were going to do now that there was no more new Harry Potters coming out. And Courtney said this.
“Oh my God! You like Buffy, right?”
“Um, yeah,” I said. This was a fairly obvious question, since the only people who don’t like Buffy The Vampire Slayer are robots (probably).
“You should read Twilight,” she said simply, “It’s like Buffy meets Jane Austen.” (I may be paraphrasing, there had been drinking happening and it was four years ago.)
Guys, my friend Courtney is a liar.
Regardless, I went out and bought Twilight. It wasn’t actually anything like Buffy, but I still thought it was pretty good. I also thought it was kind of cool that there was this whole cult following for this series that I didn’t know anything about. There were teams and tee shirts. It was like Harry Potter but without the fear of being stampeded.
Please remember that this was 2008, before the 4th book, just after they announced that a movie was happening, and also, I was busy being a college student and intern, so I didn’t quite conceive of the scope of this whole thing. So in spite of Courtney’s lies, my complete ignorance of the level of this thing I was throwing myself in to, and the knowledge that it was all kind of stupid, I jumped on the Twilight bandwagon.
Here’s something that people who haven’t read Twilight and who aren’t obsessive fangirls don’t understand. Twi-harding, as I later learned it was called, is completely addictive, it’s like crack. And in the summer and fall of 2008, it was like the whole world was my crack dealer.
Within six months of Courtney mentioning I should pick up the book, I had read all four Twilight books twice, followed the casting, filming and release hype for the first movie, declared myself as staunchly Team Jacob (with Emmet leanings), and started a countdown to Taylor Lautner’s 18th birthday.
I’m not proud of any of this. Just for the record.
I Twi-harded for nearly two years. In that time I think I read the series six times. I had desktop backgrounds and long boring conversations with people about whether we thought Rennesme was a stupid name (I was at least always sane enough to say that it was.) I bought “The Short Second Life of Bree” and the graphic novel. I read The Host, I downloaded the playlists from Stephenie Meyer’s website. I betrayed my sister by finally listening to Muse, because she’d been telling me to for years, and I did it because of Twilight.
What finally snapped me out of it was the film version of Eclipse (part 3). I don’t know what happened. Maybe it was seeing how boring the stories were when you took away the inner monologue (I still maintain that Twilight contains some damn well drawn characters and when you actually see her point of view Bella is way less annoying), maybe it was because I was finally fed up with Kristen Stewart, but I walked out of that theater and went Cold Turkey.
Seriously, since then, I haven’t reread the books. I haven’t watched any of the movies or parts of the movies, not even the parts where Taylor runs shirtless in the rain.
I haven’t gone on Stephenie Meyers’s website.
This week though, it’s tough not to relapse. Now that we’ve learned Kristen Stewart cheated on Robert Pattinson with a married guy…I’ve been thinking about Twilight, and well, it’s hard not to want to pluck out my books, reread and start wishing that ANY OTHER ACTRESS IN THE WORLD had been cast as Bella.
Not because that’s super slutty (it is) but because it’s just a reminder of how she’s a really bad actress.